you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
