He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
