I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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