I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
