I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
