cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
