does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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