his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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