I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
