We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
