They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
