Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
