D3 body, D1 cock
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
