im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
