I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
