I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You're like the curious george of whores
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
