Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
