I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
