Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
