You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
