Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
