so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
