You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
