I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
