I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
