got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
