Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You can't special order awesome
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
