i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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