you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
