apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
