yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nutella sex= disaster
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize