i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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