I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I accidentally burped into my bong.
where does the pee come out of this thing
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
