I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
