My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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