My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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