I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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