Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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