and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
