he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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