Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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