Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
