It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
