the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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