i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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