Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
