I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize