Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
