I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
