The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
