guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
