we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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