You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
