So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize