I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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