their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize