i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I am available for nakedness
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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