it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
