My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is wine microwaveable?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
