Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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