my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I'm really busy with my period
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