I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
