FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
