If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
