She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
