yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
And then he peed in my hair
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
