I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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