Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
