You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
